“Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.”
— Charles Caleb Colton
INSPIRED BY LAST Sunday’s “The Meaning of Death According to Woody Allen, Part II,” my good, close, personal friend Andre Pessis penned a bunch of death jokes himself. Andre isn’t famous as a screenwriter, but he’s a top-drawer songwriter. He’s had more silver and gold records than I have dental fillings, plus sixteen platinum songs recorded by the likes of Bonnie Raitt, Huey Lewis and Mr. Big.
In 1974, living in the coastal community of Muir Beach, California, Andre organized an outdoor music concert and barbecue benefitting the town’s volunteer fire department. On May 26, the event will be celebrating its 50th anniversary. The music — I like to think of it as Marin rock — is great, and so is the food. If you’re in Northern California on Sunday, I recommend it.
Anyway, as a bonus of more smiles and cringes, here’s Andre’s takeoff on Woody’s take on death:
What happens next? I’ll let you know if they permit me to tell you.
One advantage to being dead is that you don’t have to stare at tits anymore.
There is another advantage to death, but I can’t remember what it is.
Death is a mystery. I like to masturbate and then try to solve mysteries.
They say that life is the greatest gift. Suppose I already have a life. Where can I return the extra?
Death is just a word missing an “R” which has nothing to do with it.
They give you the expiration dates of medications stamped right on the bottle. So, where is my expiration date stamped?
Is death as scary as it seems? I think I’ll masturbate some more.
If you begin to die at birth, why does dragon fruit have so many seeds?
Next three weeks: Store your smiles in your pocket for later use. The Meaning of Death will explore the problems and the procedures regarding the right to die.